I started this blog a few years back as personal therapy. As a way to mend my heart from emotionally charged things and maybe put some humor in the events that happened. As time passed, and despite things weren’t always easy, I started to feel better and with that, I also started to neglect this blog until eventually, I found myself drowned in a massive backlog of stories to tell.
So I decided to do a small summary and jump back to today (although I’ll still tell you some of those stories because they are too hilarious to keep to myself).
During all this time, I’ve earned so many wonderful people, seriously, they are truly incredible. I also had to say goodbye to an alarming number of loved ones who are now somewhere else, hopefully, happier than they were in this life. I worked in a place I enjoyed regardless of the difficulties but then restructure happen, and I was forced to go through the job hunt process again. I found out I have several health issues that don’t make sense. I also made a torn home a full one again with dedication, personal touches, and lots, lots of plants. I had my heart broken (pretty broken), and much, much more.
Today, and being entirely honest, I find myself a little restless, like I want to jump towards the future I always wanted but I am still stuck in the process. Some of the things I had to go through during this year are still being a big weight over my shoulders and sometimes I find myself wondering how am I going to finally reach that goal. But every time I feel like I can’t make it anymore, there is something or someone that reminds me what I want, how much I have yet to give, how strong I can be and mainly, who I am.
The legend of the Koi fish
Even tho most of you might know which fish is the one I’m talking about, some may not know Koi fish are the heroes of a truly beautiful legend that inspires me every time.
A long time ago, a large school of Koi fish swam against the current of the Yellow River. Leaning on each other and gaining strength from the journey, they moved forward against the odds to reach their goal. But eventually, they were met with a big waterfall that cut their path.
For some, the obstacle was too big to even try to face it. Others tried for years and years until eventually, they gave up. But some, some stayed. Some kept fighting and nothing seemed to make them surrender.
The constant sound of jumping and the beautiful display of colors of the fish trying to reach the top of that waterfall called the attention of local demons who mocked them and made the obstacle even higher.
The demons laughed and played with the fish’ dedication for over a hundred years, until one day, one single Koi finally made it to the top. Impressed by its perseverance and determination, the gods turned it into a majestic golden dragon, a celestial representation of power and strength.
Since that moment, it is believed that any Koi that reaches the top of the waterfall will become a golden dragon.
There are many ways to describe happiness. It can be defined as a mental state; or a collection of positive feelings and emotions; the sensation of achievement and hope or freedom; and even tho all might be right, my favorite is the one that says that to achieve happiness, you need inner peace and love of oneself.
For most people, it is believed that happiness is acquired by external factors only. We surround ourselves with different kinds of activities or placebos, we move cities and countries, we party and lose ourselves in movies or books. Many times, most times, we even forget why we weren’t happy in the first place. During the temporary period that we have all of those external factors working as we want to, we feel accomplished, satisfied, and in consequence, happy.
But if you only focus on external things, all of that can be torn apart in just one event, one moment, one single broken link that removes that safety net we created for ourselves. Our world comes down in pieces and we are faced again with the ugly truth of not being able to look at our reflection.
After several years of doing exactly that, I came across a new point of view. One that works in conjunction with the external factors we all need, and an inner self we often forget. One that doesn’t see pain or suffering as a tragedy, but as a lesson and a mere obstacle to better who we are. One that goes beyond how much money you have, how big your house is, where are you standing, how cool your job is and all those things society tells us we need to accomplish happiness.
It is maybe a more difficult path towards happiness since it requires actual work and a lot of honesty to that reflection you don’t want to look at in the first place. The legend of the Koi fish is, to me, a perfect representation of this search, of this point of view, that at the end, it is as easy as just being.
After a series of difficult days, slightly drained of energy, I found myself looking at my reflection today. More specifically, looking at my Koi fish tattoo, and I was reminded of why I put it there, how I am connected to it, but mainly, who I am. Just a colorful little fish never giving up trying to reach the top of the waterfall.
So whenever you feel sad, lost, or like life is just too much, find that thing that reminds you of you and where you want to be. And just as the legend says, try your best to be that dragon.
My Funny Little Life 