Day after day, the sad songs started to become just songs and not a living memory of everything I had lost. I was healing very, very slowly, but I was. Nights weren’t nightmares anymore and now I was able to actually rest, to turn off the lights and not cry of loneliness. To go to bed and not try to find him there.
Either way, I knew nothing was truly done yet. All the furniture in the flat wasn’t mine, I had no clue when, or if he was going to come back and he even had a pair of keys to get inside that apartment at any time. For now, I was just waiting for the final appointment with the jobcentre because there was some kind of contract to sign for me to receive the money and also, I was going to ask if I could move out or keep the flat for myself. Knowing I was still roommates with the guy that broke my trust (and heart) wasn’t exactly a good thing for my well-being at that moment.
I woke up minutes after the sun came out (like every morning), showered, prepared my mint tea, grab some cookies and sat in front of the notebook to continue my routine of trying to find a job. Indeed, Zalando, Berlin Startup Jobs, The Local, Craigslist (you will definitely find some weird proposals there too) and even Betreut were the regular tools. And so far things were looking fine, already six interviews lined up and every candle I could light for luck.
My new friends were taking me out every time they could and that was keeping my mind away from all the sadness I couldn’t completely shake off. I had already two big groups of relatively close friends and some girls climbing up to the actual title. Things were fine, or so I thought.
Waiting for me at the mailbox were three letters, one from the Job Center and the other two referring the flat. The first one was really complicated to understand explanation about how the flat was too expensive for the Job Center to pay, and the other two combined were a 600 EURO debt. I felt how the pieces I had put back together in my heart fell apart all over again and in seconds strong palpitations took over me. How on earth was I going to pay that? And most important, how did THAT happen?
The following hours were stressful to the point of tears. My mind had completely betrayed me and put me in places I didn’t even want to be. More lies? Could it be? I had learned he wasn’t who he said he was, but to leave me, kind of move out and then not reply any of her “what the heck is this?” texts? No way. He just, couldn’t be that bad, but my experience coming from a country of thieves and liars kept generating all kind of thoughts and adding more and more anxiety to my body.